Well... well... well who do we have here? I see it's been a while since our last encounter. You look good... well fantastic actually. Oh and to the reader, sorry I was having a moment with myself. You know how these things go. Well let's just pretend you do and move on for the sake of the blog world. BTW this blog will be in simple format since I don't have internet at home (le sigh) so for the time being just use your imagination to create links to random shit.
HIYEE! Yes it's me again and it's been ages since I've blogged (correction: three months). So much has gone on and I don't know where to begin. I'll give you the cliff notes version of my tale (and if you're really lucky, maybe the OTHER tail :-p). Well I finally parted ways with the hotel (correction: motel.... correction: dump) and at a perfect time. I think it's usually a pretty good sign that once foreigners start to take over the establishment it's time to get out before you blink and wind up on the black market. And as the saying goes, “once you go black you can't go back”.... literally. Besides, it's hard to work with people to whom you have to explain things repeatedly. The guests are bad enough, I don't need that shit behind the desk too. But I do wish them the best... and this is probably the first time that the words “best” and “Good Nite Inn” will be in the same context. Unless you hear the phrase “best place to get murdered” then that sounds about right too. But now I'm working for a shoe distributing company as their Bookkeeper so I'm right back to my accounting roots. I think my P&L will look pretty good this year.
But I started at the Healthy Feet Store (note: not an actual store) and I'm loving it so far. I finally get to call the shots, organize a department how I please and basically answer to only one bitch: ME! But first things first, their A/P person before me (and I'll use that term loosely) was a mess. I mean seriously, my nephews are more organized than she apparently was. I mean you would think that a filing cabinet would be put alphabetically... NOPE. Okay well about even in the sequential letters the files would be alphabetical right? NOPE. I haven't shaken my head or grumbled to myself more than in the first month. And another thing, tell me that every time I opened a new drawer I didn't find some new snack item or dried good? I was beginning to think that this bitch was either the biggest heffer in SD or homeless. They finally packed it all up and mailed it off to her. It was as though we were sending rations to troops in Iraq or some shit. And don't even get me started on the box full of empty Coke cans behind my chair. This bitch WAS homeless. And from our fun conversations over the phone she made it known to me that she got sick a lot and her son did too. I tried my best to act surprised but I ran out of tokens. I'm going to also assume that her tape player skipped on the rhyme “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down” and just played “a spoonful of sugar go down”. She even came in after three failed attempts (and and don't worry she also ran down the list of why she had to cancel our meetings; unexpected appt at her kid's school, court appearance – again not surprised – and blah blah blah). When she finally did come in I basically wanted her there as short of time as possible. In going through some things she couldn't even remember clearly how to do things. I guess after two years of working there and only being gone three weeks that's bound to happen... well for her at least. But that was over and I finally came to the conclusion: she's not homeless... she's a WHOLE MESS.
So another fortunate thing that's changed are my pants sizes. Yes you heard right, I lost my baby phat. Kimora and I aren't speaking so it was only inevitable. But no, I finally have found a great opportunity to lose weight... working in the middle of nowhere! Gotta love SD transportation. I mean I enjoy a good scenic route but watching empty plains and businesses gets a little overrated. I would really like to meet the person who decided it was a great idea to post the message on every bus that reads something about SD being one of the best transportation systems. I mean to where? Across the street? So now it takes me a good hour and a half to get to work... and the beauty is of course that the CLOSEST stop is still a half hour walk. My legs have never hated me more. I'm almost thinking of Heather Mills-ing myself but on a sidenote, my legs have never looked so fabulous! Too bad the season for hooker wear (btw this includes a lifetime supply of ripped fishnets, a homemade halter top, and Payless hooker heels sponsored by Lindsay Lohan) is over (or is it?) but I'm finally getting my beach body... only to have to cover it up again. I see how you're playing this one, Gawd. I'm watching you. But with this new body (better take notes Kirstie Alley) comes a lot of great attention (still there Kirstie?). I have been getting hit up a lot more than I'm used to. This would be the part of the blog where I link a montage of teen films from the '90s where the geek/freak turns into the hot chick (i.e. She's the One) but alas we shall rely on your memory... or you can just look some up.
Well I'm hoping to bring this blog thing back. I like sharing a bit of the crazy in my life with y'alls and since I'm still riding the bus you know there's bound to be many run-ins. So for now I bid you adieu and hope you continue to follow my tales.... or check me out @itskellychris on Twitter. Yes I'm a shameless self-promoter. What else do you think I've learned from years of Tyra Banks?
This blog has been brought to you by the letter “G” because the words “good” and “Good Nite Inn” don't seem to work out too well either.
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